It's taken me two days to find the photos of Valentine's Night (Note to self: Do NOT download pictures, drunk at three in the morning.) Henrietta was striking as usual and sported a very, very large diamond. Although both Score and Twist were packed, I was a little surprised at the lack of celebration; both of us noted that the crowds looked forced and tense. God knows what's going on in everyone's head these days. The New York Times had an article of South Beach and how--although 30% off in business--still was attracting the high rollers to forget their worries. Saturday night's crowd looked worried.

When she isn't flaunting her fortune and that purchased title of hers, Baroness Seitzinger likes to be a prankster. On Saturday, she lured me to the gin hall with a promise of a present. This is what I got: Lavender Comet. This product must be produced solely for the Miami market as everything here seems to be scented; if you don't have at least six choices of scented Fabulouso available, you are shopping at the wrong place. Growing up in New England meant that the only scented cleaning product permissible was PineSol; good old Clorox was the reliable mainstay. Now it's Lavender Comet. A wag asked me the other day, "Do you know why I like living in Miami? Because it's so close to The United States." How true; you have to drive an hour north before you get to a city where English is the major language.

I'm so glad I gave up the scandalous lifestyle I once led to be respectable again, but others, alas, have not. At the very moment this is being written, the utility truck above is following the baroness home; it is too sordid a story to detail. With this following her, Baroness Seitzinger giddily called in the story and the cell phone picture, cackling like a hen at her prize of Sordid Story of the Week. I mentioned that it would be worth biking over just to see how this truck gets into her posh building, but she threatened to have the hot Latino driving it run me over. I don't doubt that for a second.