Help The Pets

My beloved dog, KiKi is safe and very well-cared for, but we are agonized by the plight of the thousands of pets that were abandoned, tied to poles, and locked up in apartments across the Gulf Coast. They are all starving to death. I talked with a pleasant lady from The Humane Society on Saturday; I told her of my plan to hold the benefit next Saturday at The Palace. She actually said, "Why sir, if you could donate $250 to us, it would go a long way." I thought, "Oh, girl, I'm a Lady and you don't know how much more than that I am going to raise." All customers have been warned that they had better show up with a check next Saturday; failure to do so will mean social excommunication. Take my word, customers.