"the" Mrs. Astor

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Don't Go In The Water

This is a photo of the last time I went to the beach. This seems incredulous to many, living on the "American Riviera" and all, but--except for special events or visits--you are not likely to see me in my squashed-heeled shoes on the beach, much less in the water.

Firstly, there is the sand; it gets everywhere and travels with you to the car, the home, or the bar, as is most likely to be the case. Jeremy holds this same aversion for beach sand. We came up with what we thought was the perfect solution: a giant Rubbermaid mat with a path leading to it and then one to the ocean. We know it would get hot, but we had a type of water slide device in mind for that and, anyway, none of us would be caught dead barefoot. This great leap forward in resort thinking went nowhere with the City Commission.

And, secondly, there is the ocean water. For as long as anyone would listen, I have maintained that water off a big city could never be clean, or at least as clean as the water in the pool. I might as well been screaming "The sky is falling". Every time I hear about the increase in ear infections I shake my head with dismay; don't these parents think? Even IF there was no discharge of sewerage (treated or not, I don't care), there is run-off from storm drains. But, it gets better.

Yesterday the Florida Legislature unanimously voted that the three southern counties here cease the discharge of sewerage three miles out to sea. Oceanographic scientist, Dr. John Proni testified that an increase bacteria levels in the ocean was being detected. (Here's another genius who should get a prize). When asked if he would go in the water by the state senators, Proni replied that he "would prefer not to.'' All of this has caused a sea of protest from the local counties involved as it will cost 3 billion dollars to correct (not counting the 1 billions that will line pockets everywhere).

KiKi doesn't like the beach, either; he won't even walk through a puddle. but, he doesn't mind lounging on a deck chair, sipping a drink by the pool; that's my boy.


At 1:51 PM, Blogger Peter Barry said...

All my years in Miami Beach were wonderful. I did spend lot's of time on the beach, sometimes from 9:00 til 4:00 in the afternoon then off to Twist for happy hour with Ray Ray. I think I went in the water once in all my nine years there. Sharks you know!!!

The water was always clean looking... but who really knew.....

At 1:29 AM, Blogger Tosca15 said...

Mrs. Astor, I so agree with you. I've lived in South Florida almost all my life and always managed to stay away from the beach. I hate the sand getting in everything as well. Aside from bacterial issues, I've always believed that if humans were really meant to inhabit the ocean, we would have been born with gills. When people are stung by jellyfish or bitten by sharks, I have to wonder why they invaded those creatures' territory. Just a thought. The only time I go to the beach is when I have guests and they demand it. Following that, a drink makes the event into a fun time.

At 9:05 AM, Blogger "the" Mrs. Astor said...

Leave the fish and the alligators alone in their homes! And, yes, guests can be very demanding; yet another reason for the invention of alcohol.

At 12:07 PM, Blogger Countess Bedelia said...

That is why civilized people prefer the country, like the serene and peaceful Berkshires. Although when the Countess gets to Rumpy's, the noise level does go up a bit!


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