"the" Mrs. Astor

Friday, August 15, 2008

I saw it the moment I entered the gin hall: the rump roast of Mrs. Stuyvesant-Fish, and I whacked it with my parasol. To my surprise, something that fortified, something that makes the Maginot Line look like a line in the sand, something that--well--is magnificent, actually felt the assault. It was, of course, a premeditated attack for Mamie had already cabled me about my husband, "I shall not be man-handled during the daylight hours or otherwise.Please ensure his hands are properly restrained to ensure my safety,security and maintenance of said good name and reputation."

The nerve...not that it surprised me all that much; she has always been so full of herself (which means intoxicated). Every time I looked away I came back to find her hands all over Mr. Astor. "Oh, I have heavy fingers," she explained. I replied, "Fingers that heavy with old jewelry can only be engorged by the constraint of blood flow." It didn't stop her.

Other society tragedies were there like The Baroness Seitzinger. There was never a moment where she didn't have two drinks in her hands. To add to the madness La Compte La Mot was seen wheeling a veritable tool box of sex toys through the crowd. Is there anything left but madness?

Mamie did offer some beams of wisdom with regard for a trip to the interior this weekend. I want to visit a backwater, trapped in the 1920's named Everglades City and stay at The Gun and Rod Club. "Tell fancy pants (Mr. Astor) that shine, all black or any sparklies will not be necessary". Then she offered advise for my going to visit Palm Beach again with, "I believe Naples is just a bunch of folks not rich enough for Palm Beach, so therefore avoid and go for the real thing there. The hotels there are a steal right now. The Colony hotel has a very gay friendly cocktail on Thursdays, and with the hotel at the end of Worth Avenue, Mr. Astor would be in hog heaven. Remind Mr. Astor that they're white in Palm Beach; plaid, pink and other frivolity required during the daylight hours".

She needs a show on the Travel Channel.

1 Comments:

At 8:52 PM, Blogger Countess Bedelia said...

How is Hurricane Fay affecting you, dear Mrs. Astor? Hope all is well and that Mr. Astor's clothes don't get wet!

 

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