We attended Edison Farrow's night at the new piano bar in the Ritz Carlton last night, and what a grand event that was. There is not really anything like that here on the beach, and it was well-attended. Somehow, my work at the last mayoral campaign was brought up and we were sitting with a lesbian candidate for the Commission, being pumped by her gay, manager son. It is all so cloudy, but so, so very South Beach. I might have a new mission.

You must, however, never let your guard down. Nefarious, white creatures are always trying to get you when you are weak. Case in point is the Great White Ron White who will always jump in the lap of your Latin baby when your eyes are turned. Fortunately, mine are NEVER turned and I was able to wrestle her to the ground in a move not seen since the early days of the WWE, hog-tie her with a pair of knee-highs, and sit on her until I got a new drink. Hey, I wasn't born yesterday.