Don't Tell Me I Don't Know How J.Lo Feels!

Several weeks ago--before I fell apart mentally--I wrote about the rising problem of creatures not indigenous to The Everglades thriving and taking over sections of it. And I didn't mean Gypsies.

Since Florida is by-and-large lawless, stupid people buy creatures for their amusement and, when are bored of them, set them loose in The Glades. Pythons are the best example: never seen here before, they are having the time of their lives in The Everglades, since they have no natural pedators and the food supply is endless. It is a Roman feast for them.

Now we have had three incidents in two weeks. First a python picked a fight (probably after a few beers and a girl) with--of all creatures--an alligator. Big mistake; this is alligator heaven. Nevertheless, the 20 foot python fought the alligator AND SWALLOWED IT. Big mistake number Two; the alligator ATE it's way out of the python. It was all over the local news.

Two days ago another python captured and ate a FIFTEEN pound Persian cat named Frances. The Wildlife Authorities knew this because the cat was so fat that it prevented the python from moving and, when X-rayed, showed the fat feline the cause of the snake's bulge (they could even see Frances's little claws trying to scratch it's way out). The python is safe, moved to a reptile farm.

Yesterday, another python (dining must be getting boring in The Everglades) came out and ate a turkey from a farm. The only way anyone knew this is that the python asked for some cranberry sauce.

This is the expected result: http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/12878415.htm

Now I know J.Lo was tomented by an Anaconda, but I'm not feeling too safe letting KiKi outdoors any longer without an armed detachment of The 7th Gay Calvary. He likes the attention of a man in uniform, anyway; the way we all do.