"the" Mrs. Astor

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Cease! In the Name of Decency.

Like all conflagrations it began--and was regarded as--not all that important, a fleeting misunderstanding, a gentle error in judgement. While decent people took tea and talked about the weather, dark forces swirled beneath their linened lives. What was initially thought to be a brisk breeze turned out to be The Storm.

My point? I did not think and at no time thought of wearing a sequined shirt on New Years Eve. I would sooner saw off my arm and lipsync Olivia Newton John to a gathering of Southern Baptists. But, somehow the rumor has taken hold.

The first reports of this surfaced within my immediate family, after sending copies of myself on NYE to Jesse. Jesse replied something like, "and someone certainly knew Fashion by wearing a sequined shirt".

I brushed off this remark the way I would a piece of lint on my blue, cashmere, drop-waist, winter luncheon suit, but before I knew it others picked it up and ran with it. Suddenly I was being sent images of sequined halter tops, sequined sweaters, and sequined clutch purses (I bought one of these). "Almost strangers" stopped me at The Palace to say, "I loved the sequined shirt." THERE WAS NO SEQUINED SHIRT.

The shirt in question was from the 1999/200 collection of Nicole Miller; my initial response to blow it off ("It's LaCroix, sweetie, LaCroix") back-fired and only reinforced the sequin story. True, the silver champagne glasses on the shirt might lead the unassuming fashion parvenu to think of sequins, but REALLY. I am as likely to wear sequins as Barbara Bush is to wear a thong.


At 11:38 PM, Anonymous mikevil said...

Isn't a sequined thong really really uncomfortable? Why on earth are you wearing a sequined thong anyhow? Did Bees talk you into this?

Thank god you got rid of the sequined shirt though.

At 2:00 AM, Anonymous Chris I. said...

As a witness, I swear there were no sequins on the shirt. What he had on under it, I cannot say (and would not speculate upon.)

At 8:29 AM, Blogger Ian-Ivy du Bois said...

Christian La´Queer...

oh baby, I´m so sorry... it was just because u shine whatever u try on... then the camera lences... and our bitchyness...
it was all because of your natural brightess.

(damn I´m good!)

At 10:40 AM, Blogger Countess Bedelia said...

So, how about a picture of this sequined shirt? or the thong? whatevah!

At 12:59 PM, Blogger Ian-Ivy du Bois said...

oh yes Countess,
My future husband just sent me a gift certificate to get a copy of the thong he wore on NYE Party.

now here´s the link of it, so you can watch it, and, if it is of your liking, u´ll be able to purchase one of them too.

At 1:01 PM, Blogger Ian-Ivy du Bois said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 3:42 PM, Blogger Jesse said...

Uncle Alexis,

I am so so SO sorry and ashamed for thinking you were wearing a fabulously sequined shirt! I see now that I was wrong. I see the error of my ways. I bow my head in embaressment and disgust!

I always wanted to be a fashion maven, but instead I see that I am just an unassuming fashion parvenu bitch. How DARE I!

I will try to do better in the future, and to make up for this case of mistaken identity, this most unholy sin I have committed, the ultimate error of judgement.
My appologies!!! :(

Love Always,
Jesse, an Unassuming Fashion Parvenu Bitch

At 6:04 PM, Blogger "the" Mrs. Astor said...

Mike, "Eat Ian".

Chris, thanks for the vote of confidence. I feel like Margaret Thatcher.

Ian, you bitch.

Countess, there IS NO SEQUINED SHIRT. (or thong)

Ian, you bitch whoremaster!

Jesse, you did no wrong (you read my mind).

At 8:25 PM, Blogger Showtune said...

Even still . . . GLITZ & TITS . . . the name of the game! (and dancing chorus boys don't hurt either!)

At 10:25 PM, Blogger Black and Tan Mark said...

Oy... the grief I cause just by being a chronicler of La Vie du Palace. For the record, I always shoot at 3 megapixels - high enough resolution to quash any rumors that sequins were had on 20051231 - but now feel the need to put disclaimers on any photo I may take ("any misinterpretation is your own damn fault"). Carl Z, any freelance photo ops in my future?

At 6:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

better hurry! the "cheer" store is having a hot sale on sequined briefs. they're going fast!


oh and mikevil... that minivan drag-racing challenge still stands.

At 10:00 PM, Anonymous mikevil said...

Can we please at least try to find something else to put on the menu? All of this South American food is giving me gas.


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