"the" Mrs. Astor

Saturday, May 03, 2008


I am being assaulted on all sides. Holding Court-in-Exile seems to be more burdensome and perilous than I thought. Holding on to power is relatively easy; guarding the realm a bit uneasy. The past week has seen emissaries from all sides, and new sides, prancing around like a bunch of nervous courtiers not quite sure of their steps. For anyone who is actually interested, I will never, ever back down; it is not my style. And--quite frankly--public displays of feigned honor simply won't make me come back.

But--more importantly--there is a situation I can not help but action. My sister, The Countess du Barry is in danger. Reports of her death are simply fodder for the press; she is under much, more danger: The Countess Bedelia. Yes, the very same Bedelia of lore, the lore of moving in on my territory and spreading a charm more virulent than the plague. Today I received a coded cable from du Barry which couldn't have been more frightening. She was being held captive by Bedeilia at an EconoLodge in the Berkshires. Yes, and EconoLodge, or more accurately noted, the bar of an EconoLodge. I could not stop the tears from falling down my cheeks as I remembered du Barry's elegant dinners, the polo parties, and the fancy-dress balls. All this to end up at an EconoLodge.

It is a tough time. Jeremy is in Chile for three weeks and Riley too busy tracking down criminal records, but I summon the few remaining followers for a New Crusade to march on Transylchusetts and rescue du Barry from the clutches of evil more sinister than any infidel. But before they leave in the morning, I have hand-sewn their banner; it reads in magnificent red letters against a lemon-yellow field, "Non Vacuus Meus Sanctimonialis", which loosely translated means, "Not Without My Sister".

12 Comments:

At 2:00 AM, Blogger Tosca15 said...

An Econolodge? That's just ever so tacky. Where do you think the Countess locks up her jewels at a place like that?

 
At 9:51 AM, Blogger "the" Mrs. Astor said...

Only The Countess knows, but my guess is that she must sleep on them in a place like that; you know, the old secret pillow hiding spot.

 
At 10:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Doesn't an Econolodge make a Super 8 look like luxury? The thought! On purpose? Has the recession gotten that bad...that she has to apply for a maid job...at an Econolodge?!

 
At 11:18 AM, Blogger "the" Mrs. Astor said...

Super 8? Is that the one with the ugly commercials? She's already brainwashed du Barry, so that's not it and she has enough money to stay anywhere she wants. I really, really think it's more the area she's hanging out in. What else is there? A hay loft over Rumpy's Tavern?

 
At 1:07 PM, Blogger Countess Bedelia said...

I will not lower myself to reply to this slander. But duBarry will pay for this, never fear!

 
At 3:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, it would be libel :).

 
At 5:32 PM, Blogger "the" Mrs. Astor said...

Yes, this is libel (to her), but The Countess has so many people talking about her in The Berkshires and that is slander. Of course, there is the pending kidnapping-of-socialite charges, too.

 
At 9:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

She's become a walking (stumbling) felony!

 
At 10:48 PM, Blogger "the" Mrs. Astor said...

I'm afraid The Berkshires will run out of Glenlivet and she'll drink the blood of du Barry to survive.

 
At 11:07 PM, Blogger Tosca15 said...

Get serious! If the Berkshires should run ot of Glenlivit, I'm sure the Countess wouldn't hesitate to send out a bevy of messengers to scour all cities near and far, to replenish the supply.

 
At 6:11 PM, Blogger Peter Barry said...

Someone please HELP ME

She is out of control!!!!

 
At 6:57 PM, Blogger "the" Mrs. Astor said...

Help is on the way in the shape of four dissolute, over-weight knights on three over-the-hill mares and one wagon, together with a marching band of band leaders thinking they are going to a Shriners' meeting in The Berkshires. They carry a photo of you close to their heart, so that the know just whom they are to rescue. Hopefully, Rumpy's Tavern doesn't have a home guard (or an open bar).

 

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