"the" Mrs. Astor

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Ok...I am going to make a statement that I intend all parties to take and stop the nonsense about the fucking picture hats. The hats were made two years ago by the great Countess du Barry and left in my care; yes...left in my care and cared for lovingly for those two years. They could have been taken back to Newport, but were instead left here. Countess du Barry, unfortunately, passed away last year. She had reportedly been run out of Newport for some grand indiscretion, was taken into the witness protection program in Vermont, and died from an overdose of maple syrup. A distant relative, the dubious Countess von Cartier, has attempted to take over du Barry's position in Newport; no one ever told her that the "von" was German and hardly fitted the Cartier name. If the hats had been left with anyone else, they would be history; and--anyway--Countess Bedelia needs fancy hats when she visits.

So, please, think of the hats as being preserved and utilised for the good of society. And if some distant relative with a dubious title more suspect than that of Baroness Seitzinger's, then come and get them.


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