This is what a marriage in Gossip Heaven would look like. The Miami editor of In Touch Weekly, Michael Cohen, stopped by our table Sunday when he spotted fellow gossip columnist and Man Everywhere About Town, Thomas Barker. Between incessant phone calls, they were able to catch up on the latest news and entertain the rest of us.

The second weekend of sitting on Lincoln Road attracted even more visitors to an afternoon of two-fisted drinking and hard-nosed mudslinging. El Riley carefully documented a riotous day and night that began with my video documentary of Barker's "Would I Pay For Sex?" and it's sequel, "Would I Pay For Sex With a Married Man?". (All agreed the second documentary was hot.) Then an old, shirtless man passed by doing "wheelies" and almost crashed into a nearby table while another table member was passing out flip flop key chains from his manicure shop.

Talk screeched to a halt when someone (most likely Barker, things were getting confused) said, "Don't you just hate drunken pygmies at parties! Were you there when one passed out on the top stair and no one could get down?" I doubt whether it was a real pygmy, but the image a fire trap like that--with the grass skirt and all--lingered in my mind and Riley and I couldn't stop giggling. We all piled into cabs and headed down the road and a cranky cab driver asked why we gay guys weren't bringing more tourists into town instead of the low lifes he saw playing awful music. "What type of music do you like?" asked Carl. "Well," the cabbie replied, "now that I'm old and my penis is down, I like soft music." You can't get better than that on a drunken afternoon.