I offered to return to The Palace tonight to help acclimate Juicy P. to the set-up and get things rolling, so to speak. I went all out and bought the deluxe, rubber-coated (sea air, you know) bingo cage. My lack of knowledge was eagerly pointed out last night by the pit of vipers called my friends. Someone asked a question about the cards, four of which you get for every drink purchased, and I said something like, "Oh, the numbers are called out and, if you get them in a row vertically, horizontally, or diagonally, you win." "THAT'S TIC-TAC-TOE", came the screams of laughter. Right, you fill the card.

So, pardon me, but I consider bingo the same type of pedestrian sport as bowling and karaoke. I don't know the rules because I don't want to know the rules. I do however like drag queens, and anything I can do for one makes me a lot happier that rolling a ball down an alley to knock over wooden sticks. Well, unless it's a Latino bowling league; maybe then....maybe.

Mrs. Stuyvesant-Fish popped in this afternoon to say she was fine and that she was taking it easy during this heatwave. She had just come from her doctor's who has one of these huge offices with a hundred employees, but the most amazing one described to me was the black tranny serving coffee, soda, and towelettes to the waiting guests. When Mamie got in to see her doctor, she asked, "And, just what is up with the hostess?" "Isn't she fabulous?", the doctor replied. Well, Mamie's high blood pressure is under control (she assured me after the tenth margarita) but she's taken to her bed to avoid the heat. This leaves me socially unchallenged, but--as Riley can attest--I've only ever wielded power for the good of mankind. Well, not all of mankind, just a tiny portion of it usually named Juan or Carlos or Miguel.

Well, off to bingo; I never thought those words would ever come out of me. It will be exciting, though, to see what happens when "69" is called out.

(Actually, I was proven right; it is a line of matching numbers. Those stupid friends; they are as lost as myself in this new realm.)