"the" Mrs. Astor

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Please Help This Queer!


Our Dear Mattie is moving to Ft. Lauderdale and we got together with Anna, Andy, Mark and others yesterday afternoon to wish him well. We were talking about the nine flat screens being put up in the new, inside bar and the resultant "movie nights" when someone whispered in my ear, "You know, he's never seen The Women."

Although it brought a frown to my face, I could excuse someone for never having seen this madcap, 1939 gem with Rosiland Russell, Joan Crawford, and Paulett Goddard amongst many other women in a movie made by noted homo director George Cukor. It stands to this day as one of the most viscous movies ever made with not one male in the picture, just bitchie women.

"No", said the whisperer. "He's never seen Auntie Mame, either." "What?", I choked. "He's never (looking at an upset Matt) seen THE BIBLE of gay movies???" "WORSE," said the informant (The Palace has many). "He's never seen Gone With The Wind." The avalanche continued; nor had he seen What Ever Happend to Baby Jane, Valley of the Dolls, All About Eve (!!!), Now Voyager, Mr. Skeffington, It Happened One Night, Mildred Pierce..... Had his parents locked him under the stairs during his teens?

Calls were made for his expulsion and the taking away of the Epicure Market card, but I used my considerable social power to protect my favorite showtune fan. I was not going to turn him over to the gay mob. Instead, we are going to force Matty to watch these movies and fully join the ranks of the Gay Male. If you have any suggestiosn to add to his movie list of "musts for the queer man", please send them along. The poor thing can not be set loose in the rampant gayness of Ft. Lauderdale so ill-prepared. He will thank us some day.

13 Comments:

At 3:53 AM, Blogger Officer Brian said...

If he can sit through "Whatever happend to Baby Jane" he's all set!

I told ya, it flew out the windah!

 
At 6:29 AM, Blogger The INFOSEC Consultant said...

Uncles. Didn't any of these guys have Uncles?

In that case, put "Damn Yankees" on the list. "Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets!"

 
At 9:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can see him now being wheeled on a gurney to a room filled with lcd monitors with every bit of gay culture on celuloid. Of course a prescription of "bottled meds" and the nude floor show will certainly get him back to rights in no time.
Mwah,
kb

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Pandora Wilde said...

Please, PLEASE tell me the boy's seen "The Wizard of Oz?"

 
At 12:29 PM, Blogger Jesse said...

Absent "Gone With The Wind" I have never seen any of those movies either :( Sigh - what sheltered childhoods we had! When is Mattie making the big move? *Snif* He can't go just as I'm arriving!

 
At 2:49 PM, Blogger Alexis du Bois said...

OMG, had I asked and he said that he'd never seen The Wizard of Oz, I couldn't have stopped the lynching.

And as for you, Little Jesse, if you spent less time on My Space and Craig's List Miami you'd have a little spare time to catch up on your gay movies, wouldn't you? :-)

 
At 5:30 PM, Blogger Rick Bettencourt said...

I think I might qualify getting passing grade...I've seen them all save "The Women". Do I pass or fail? What about Mommie Dearest?

 
At 8:18 PM, Blogger Ed Grow said...

OMG. Alexis. Just send "this queer" my way and I will strap him down to a chair, pry his eye-lids open (Clockwork Orange style) and force him to watch my *extensive*--extensive Bette Davis collection. Sheesh. What is the world coming to? Love (as always).

 
At 8:33 PM, Blogger Alexis du Bois said...

Rick, you are OK in my book, as always.

ED, You have no idea how I thought to have his eyelids clamped open ala Clockwork. After watching EVERY Bette Davis movie, I would have you walk up to him and blow smoke in his face.

 
At 8:38 PM, Blogger Alexis du Bois said...

Rick, and YES!!!! He had not seen Mommie Dearest. In gentle reflection of the moment, I now see that he should have been torn to pieces on the spot.

 
At 8:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where's Sunset Boulevard and Mildred Pierce? Oh, and Gray Gardens too.

 
At 10:38 AM, Blogger Showtune said...

First of all, I HAVE seen "The Wizard of Oz" and the first half of "Gone With the Wind" thank you very much. Ok, ok, so I haven't seen these others. I'll get to them alright. No reason to banish me to straightdom! Hmpf.

 
At 4:40 PM, Blogger The INFOSEC Consultant said...

OK, now pay attention. I am steadfastly SHOCKED by the fundamental irresponsibility of Uncles of the young amongst us. LOOK. You are tasked with exposing your juniors to the rich undercurrent of debaucherly inherent to our culture and if you decline then pass them onto those capable of corrupting the legal, but young,... (ok, I volunteer) hee, hee

 

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