Please Help This Queer!

Our Dear Mattie is moving to Ft. Lauderdale and we got together with Anna, Andy, Mark and others yesterday afternoon to wish him well. We were talking about the nine flat screens being put up in the new, inside bar and the resultant "movie nights" when someone whispered in my ear, "You know, he's never seen The Women."

Although it brought a frown to my face, I could excuse someone for never having seen this madcap, 1939 gem with Rosiland Russell, Joan Crawford, and Paulett Goddard amongst many other women in a movie made by noted homo director George Cukor. It stands to this day as one of the most viscous movies ever made with not one male in the picture, just bitchie women.

"No", said the whisperer. "He's never seen Auntie Mame, either." "What?", I choked. "He's never (looking at an upset Matt) seen THE BIBLE of gay movies???" "WORSE," said the informant (The Palace has many). "He's never seen Gone With The Wind." The avalanche continued; nor had he seen What Ever Happend to Baby Jane, Valley of the Dolls, All About Eve (!!!), Now Voyager, Mr. Skeffington, It Happened One Night, Mildred Pierce..... Had his parents locked him under the stairs during his teens?

Calls were made for his expulsion and the taking away of the Epicure Market card, but I used my considerable social power to protect my favorite showtune fan. I was not going to turn him over to the gay mob. Instead, we are going to force Matty to watch these movies and fully join the ranks of the Gay Male. If you have any suggestiosn to add to his movie list of "musts for the queer man", please send them along. The poor thing can not be set loose in the rampant gayness of Ft. Lauderdale so ill-prepared. He will thank us some day.