what a weekend... On Friday we celebrated our anniversary with all our friends at Twist, on Saturday we toasted our little boy/bartender, Tommy, for his birthday, and last night we went for a quiet drink at Twist with Susie in the bungalow and stumbled into a sort of club nirvana, with Twist owners Richard and Joel, Henrietta, and a colorful assortment of town bartenders, managers, doormen, and go-go boys. At one point, we looked at each other and just sighed; we had reached club nirvana.

Once again I got a raised eyebrow last night when I answered the question, "How have you been?" with "Just dandy." The word, "dandy", doesn't seem to be used or understood much anymore, so I present a test to detect whether you, or someone you love, is a closet Dandy.

) You live within 10 miles of:

a) London (+10)
b) Paris (+8)
c) New York (+5)
d) Major metropolitan city (+1)
e) Anywhere else (0)

2) Your age is:

a) 18-25 (0)
b) 25-30 (+1)
c) 30-45 (+5)
d) 45-70 (+1)
e) 70-up (0)

3) Your relationship status is:

a) Single (+10)
b) Married (0)

4) When it comes to physical appearance, you are:

a) Tall, dark and handsome (+5)
b) Tall, dark or handsome (+2)
c) Rather average (0)
d) Rather unappealing (-3)

5) In regards to your physique:

a) Your waist is smaller than your inseam (+5)
b) Your waist is the same as your inseam (0)
c) Your waist is larger than your inseam (-2)

6) Your facial hair preference is:

a) Clean shaven (+3)
b) Mustache or goatee, over 40 (+1)
c) Mustache or goatee, under 40 (-3)
d) Clean shaven with sideburns (-5)

7) Your source of income:

a) Independently wealthy (+10)
b) Credit (+7)*
c) Self-employed (+5)
d) Work in office (-5)

* Must flee to France when credit is exhausted

8.) For college, you attended:

a) Oxford (+10)
b) Princeton (+5)
c) Anywhere else (0)

9) When it comes to your name and ancestry:

a) You’re a commoner, and like Noel Coward, “related to no one but myself.” (+3)
b) You have a title, such as lord or duke (+2)
c) You have an assumed title, such as lord or duke (-5)

10) Your home is:

a) A cloistral male sanctuary for you alone (+8)
b) Cohabited by a fellow dandy (+2)
c) Cohabited by a female spouse/lover (0)
d) Cohabited by a wife and kids (-5)
e) Cohabited by roommates (-6)
f) Cohabited by parents* (-7)

* At ancestral family estate (+5)

11) Your mode of travel around town is primarily:

a) Driver/taxi (+8)
b) Well aged luxury sedan/sports car (+3)
c) Public transportation (train, subway) (0)
d) Economy car (-3)
e) Highwheel bicycle (-5)

12) Your preferred form of tobacco is:

a) Cigarette in holder* (+5)
b) Cigarette (+4)
c) Cigar (+3)
d) Pipe (+1)
e) Quit smoking (0)
f) Never smoked (-2)

* Must be 40 or older

13) Your preferred drink is:

a) Claret (+3)
b) Champagne (+2)
c) Scotch/cognac (+1)
c) Martini (0)
d) Homemade absinthe (-3)

14) Your command of the French language is:

a) Fluent (+5)
b) Reading knowledge (+2)
c) You know “cravatte” means “cravat” (-2)

15) Your musical tastes are primarily:

a) Classical (+5)
b) Jazz and vocalists (+3)
c) Anything else (-3)

16) Your walls are decorated primarily with:

a) Images of masculine panache, such as hunting, equestrian or sartorial prints (+5)
b) Classic art (+2)
c) Modern art (0)
d) Plaster ducks (-3)

17) You have cultivated a collection of useless objects of beauty*, such as antique snuffboxes or Sevres porcelain:

a) Yes (+5)
b) No (0)

* Excluding books, pipes, etc., which serve a utilitarian purpose.

18) For a pet, you’d prefer:

a) Fussed about dog with an endearing name like KiKi (+3)
b) Cat (+1)
c) Jewel-encrusted tortoise (-2)

19) When it comes to sport, you prefer:

a) Fencing, boxing (+5)
b) Golf (+3)
c) Tennis, etc. (+1)
d) You’re like Cecil in “A Room with a View” (0)

20) You possess the following skills (+2 for each):

a) Horsemanship
b) Piano
c) Dancing
d) Flying
e) Painting/sculpture

21) Your suits, jackets and trousers are primarily:

a) Saks (+10)
b) Off the rack but tailored (+ 2)
c) Off the rack, not tailored (0)
d) Vintage (-5)

22) You own a set of white tie and tails:

a) Yes (+5) *
b) No (0)

* Not to be used for the purpose of professional ballroom dancing or orchestra conducting.

23) When it comes to velvet, you have:

a) A smoking jacket (+3)
b) One jacket or waistcoat (+1)
c) Nothing velvet (0)
d) A velvet suit in emerald (-2)
e) Multiple items in velvet (-3)

24) When it comes to hats, you wear a:

a) Homburg/fedora, etc., when it’s under 40 degrees (+3)
b) Homburg/fedora, etc. when above 40 (-2)
c) Top hat during daylight hours, outside of Ascot (-5)
d) A lampshade (-10)

25) A stranger has mocked you because of your dress:

a) At least once in your life (+3)
b) On a daily basis (-5)

26) You would most like others to consider your appearance:

a) Rakishly elegant (+5)
b) Well dressed (+3)
c) Fashionable (0)
d) Unique (-1)
e) Anachronistic (-2)

27) You prefer to dress in:

a) Blue, like Brummell (+4)
b) Gray, like Grant and Astaire (+3)
c) Checks and plaids, like the Duke of Windsor (+2)
d) Bright colors, like Disraeli and Gatsby (+1)
e) Black, like Cher (-3)

28) When discussing clothes with non-dandies, they look you over and:

a) Ask for advice (+5)
b) Give you advice (-5)

29) You would most like to have the wardrobe of:
a) The Duke of Windsor (+5)
b) Tom Wolfe (+1)
c) Fonzworth Bentley (0)
d) Oscar Wilde (-2)
e) Michael Jackson(-5)

30) When it comes to conversation in society, your preferred form of persiflage is:

a) To speak light of the serious and serious of the light (+5)
b) To talk to every woman as if you loved her and every man as if he bored you (+3)
c) To discuss art and literature (+2)
d) To rail against consumerism, materialism and the vulgarity of the masses (-3)

31) On online forums, you’re considered:

a) A caustic wit (+8)
b) A gentleman and scholar (+1)
c) Hardly noticeable (0)
d) An odd bird (-10)

32) You have published on the subject of dandyism:

a) Yes, in book form (+9)
b) Yes, in a magazine/newspaper (+6)
c) Yes, on the Web (+3)
d) Yes, at my diary (+10)
e) No (0)

33) You have been the subject of a piece of writing on dandyism:

a) Yes (+10)
b) No (0)

34) Somewhere, in print or on the Web, is a clever quote attributed to you:

a) Yes (+5)
b) No (0)


35) The real-life man you most admire is:

a) George Brummell (+5)
b) Fred Astair (+3)
c) Andre 3000 (0)
d) Robert de Montesquiou (-3)

36) Not that you care what others think, but still you would least like to be thought of as:

a) Common (+3)
b) A closet sentimentalist (+1)
c) Cold and aloof (0)
d) Vain (-2)

37) Not that you care what others think, but you would most like to be thought of as:

a) A well dressed philosopher of life (+5)
b) A dapper man about town (+2)
c) An artist (+1)
d) A reclusive aesthete (0)
e) A rebel against conformity (-5)

38) Of the statements below, choose the one you most agree with:

a) “Dandyism is the result of an artistic temperament working upon a fine body within the wide limits of fashion.” (+5)
b) “Every dandy dares, but he stops at the intersection between originality and eccentricity.” (+3)
c) “Beaux, lions or dandies… all share the same characteristic of opposition and revolt.” (-1)
d) “Dandies, being perfumed shamans, reside within the twilight realm that exists betwixt the worlds of the Animate and the Inanimate. Because of this, Dandies identify strongly with plants.” (-5)



Your score:

240 (perfect score): You are the ideal of modern dandyism
168-239: Faithful myrmidon
167-under: Affected provincial