"the" Mrs. Astor

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I am relieved to report that Lahoma van Zandt, famous entertainer and chanteuse of the last century, survived--with dignity and her usual flair for fashion--the earthquake that struck the eastern seaboard today. She had been arranging her postcard collection and reading fan mail when the tragedy struck; she grabbed the first, practical outfit she could find and immediately started passing out coffee and autographs to the survivors. Once a star, always a star (if a bit past her time).
A collective sigh of relief came over The Beach as we awoke to hear that Irene had turned to the East. Trip to Publix showed no panic-faced citizens grabbing food as if a nuclear; the sailboats in the bay (those on which people live) were still there as were the mega-yachts in their moorings. Of course, this is Florida, and anything can change on a dime; that's why I went shopping today.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Baroness Sietzinger pulled into town after being run out of London. She didn't miss a beat, though, immediately throwing a sangria party. God knows how we trash the woman with the purchased title, but we love her. By the way, she fell in love with a cobbler in London; the poor thing. With all that money, and she can only find a man to replace a broken, squashed-heel.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Baroness Seitzinger has always read only the most high-brow, intellectual newspapers.

She has been given 48 hours to leave London before the mob with pitch forks and torches attack; the funny thing ever is what Mrs. Stuyvesant-Fish said: "What's to say she won't be met by a mob with pitch forks and torches when she comes home?"

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

If I remember correctly, the most scandalous thing I ever did on my many trips to London was to go to a Brixton dance hall that specialized in drag shows. In those days Brixton was like the lower East Side of New York City; you took your life in your hands to have a good time. But, The Baroness Seitzinger has been scouring London proper for signs like this; perverse things amuse perverse people. It is only a matter of time before they run her out of town with pitch forks and torches.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Despite my continued ill health and the torrential rains, I have agreed with Mr. Astor (who is shoping at Macy's right now) to go to Score for some medicinal help. We went to see the movie, The Help, and found it astounding; how little we know about life back then.

Everyone has been commenting on my absence from "the scene", but I've plagued with extreme fatigue and fevers. I told some young thing that I felt like Violetta, and he replied, "You feel like a violin?"

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Lady Bunny on Huffinton Post

Lady Bunny with Alexis Arquette, when he was a boy. In the meantime, The Huffington Post had a fun article on one of our all time favorites:


I'm still recovering from my bout with this fever, but things like this pick me up.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Well Barpmess Seitzinger arrived in London a few days ago, and within hours riots started to engulf the city. I opined that it was her big mouth and, not being one to hold back the punches, that incited the population.

Then I hear that when she was presented at Court, she wore that enormous Star of Constantinople (pictured here before a photo of her sainted mother), and The Queen wasn't pleased--unless it had been a present, of ccourse. How she got a audience with The Queen is a mystery, but several rumors circulated about oral sex being performed on The House Guards but, I guess if Lady GaGa can get an audience, anyone can.

Still the gaudy size of Star shocked The Queen, riots began, half of London is experiencing a modern Blitz, and The Baroness is mainly concerning with the china she is being served off of (there's something wrong with all of this). .

Monday, August 08, 2011

I have had a severe fever for several days; I seldom got out of bed. Perhaps the best thing that came out of it was the touching devotion Mr. Astor paid to me, cooking, cleaning, and doting on me. We have had a difficult time of late.

The most astounding news came from Mamie, who knows how much I love The Duchess of Alba. As quoted by The Guardian, "She is one of the richest women in Spain, owns a dozen castles whose walls are hung with works by Goya, Velázquez and Titian and is a distant relative of King James II, Winston Churchill and Diana, Princess of Wales. Now, however, the 18th Duchess of Alba is giving away her immense personal fortune in order to be free to marry a minor civil servant.

According to Guinness World Records, Maria del Rosario Cayetana Alfonsa Victoria Eugenia Francisca Fitz-James Stuart y de Silva, born in Madrid's Palacio de Lira, has more titles than any noble on earth, being a duchess seven times over, a countess 22 times and a marquesa 24. As head of the 539-year-old House of Alba, her privileges include not having to kneel before the pope and the right to ride on horseback into Seville cathedral."

What is she thinking? Oh, I know.....LOVE. It isn't worth that much, but when you are 85 you know you can't take it with you.