"the" Mrs. Astor

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Stop The Presses; The Peasants are Armed

I was getting some paperwork out of my office when I hear a familiar and reassuring,"Hello, Mrs. Astor". It was Jeremy! I would have liked to graciously glided up to him with my hand outreached, but--instead we fell into each others' arms like schoolgirls. Sobbing (fake) Captain Jeremy said, "You don't know what they did to me." I suggested we go the great counciling table, The Bar.

Jeremy, his men, and their AirForce counterparts had gone to Guatemala and Honduras for disaster relief from Hurricane Stan. On his last day of work, Jeremy was with an Air force buddy when the buddie's 4-wheel vehicle got stuck in the mud. At this point two men (two peasants) came out of the forest line to rob them. I asked, "Why didn't you shoot them?" and Jeremy said Hoduras is one of the few nations (especially one of the few with a huge American base on it) that doesn't allow American soldiers to carry defense weapons.)
He said these two men approached with weapons. I asked, "AK47's?"and that's when he fell into my arms again. "No," he whimpered, "MACHETES." MACHETES!?! Oh, my, the irony and humor wasn't lost and we laughed and laughed. I asked, "How much did they (the Hondurans) get?" and Jeremy replied, "$30". "Not bad," I said. "It was in Guatemalan money!", Jeremy stammered, and we all burst out in laughter. He wants to go back to the rusty swords to erase the memory of all this. I told him that he was The Captain, he could go to blow darts if wanted.
Jeremy's eyes glazed over at the suggestion.

Tomorrow, we will host the official Hurricane Party and Captain Jeremy and his 7th will be there. We will do everything to prop up his shattered self-image, although we didn't have too bad of a time tonight. My, how easy is it to get your captain thirsty for peasant blood when he has been violated by two. To my Jeremy's credit, he said that he saw in the eyes of the robbers that it was desparation, not anger, that drove them; that's my captain, human after all.

Meanwhile, no one knows what Wilma is up to, so we will just party.


At 9:47 AM, Blogger Knottyboy said...

Have to say a machete is always how I'm able to get Bees Knees to cough up her cash. But for some reason she gets aroused and still gives me the money. I spend the rest of the evening with her playing with my one exposed nipple. Such a whore, you can't take her anywhere.
God you guys, I'm thinking about you. Keeping you in my third eye.


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