Good Lord....if this isn't pushing the envelope a little too far in times like this.

http://miami.craigslist.org/mdc/atq/3105001891.html

The newly entitled, The Countess of Dade is already maneuvering for it. There isn't much time left before the pitchforks and torches come out.

After lengthy negotiations, troop movements, repositioning the Great Southern Fleet, the purchasing enough of the new gold, corn, and making sure everyone had a new medal, The Baroness Seitzinger was elevated to her new title, Her Serene Highness, The Countess of Dade.  For the rest of the week schools will be closed so that the little monsters can line the avenues and wave to The Countess.  The Countess of Dade has repeatedly shown her generosity to the element of Society who deserves it the most: Old Money.

Mrs. Stuyvesant-Fish, myself, and The Baroness Seitzinger arriving at The Audubon Club for a Sunday luncheon.  I carried the parasol to attract Latino boys, who where sure to admire my hat..  Mamie was too absorbed in trying to walk in those heels, and The Baroness was striding a little to fast (like the way she tries to clime the social ladder in this town).

The Baroness Seitzinger continues of try to imply to established Society that she's got all the skilled to "wow" it.  However the J. Edgar Hoover administration has pointed out so many items of doubt in this photo.  Although she is now up for an upgrading to Countess of Shrewsbury, the FBI has pointed out to not only the unwashed dishes and pans, but the Tupperware, the costume jewelry, what appears to be a dollar bill in the upper-left, but--more of a problem--what appears to be discarding trousers on the dining room table.  This will undoubtedly cause me and Mamie a lot of angst.

Mrs. S-F in her formative years.  I believe this is where Barbara Bush got the idea for those fake pearls.  Mamie suggested a drag party and that she would bring her makeup artist.  I replied that makeup like that existed only between Boca Ratan and the Mason Dixon Line and that I would sooner slash my throat with a rusty box cutter.  And just what is that protruding from her bra; a dollar bill?

On the other hand, I like to think I represented New England purity and style when I last performed at Mr. Astor's birthday party.  If you are going down with the ship, and the last lifeboat has left, do it right.

The Baroness Seitzinger sent us a photo which I will diplomatically entitle "The Baroness in her formative years".  Mamie was more to the point when she sniffed, "That young queen".  Oddly, The Baroness didn't have much to say, which proves that the word "young" speaks volumes.  She is still positioning for a duchess title.  The problem is that the only open title would be The Duchess of Boca, and--believe me--NO ONE would want that.

Michael Burke continues to harass City Hall; if there was an effective administration, he would be swimming with the fishes.

It has been a listless summer, but Michael Burke continues to be the thorn in City Hall's side.  Perhaps his greatest day was when hundreds of citizens picketed City Hall about the relentless corruption in it's shallow halls.  For some reason Mayor Mattie decided to confront the mob.  Now, call me old fashioned, but even Marie Antoinette wasn't foolish enough to take on a gang of people calling for her head.  But there she was, shouting, "This is nothing but a lynch mob!".  Michael shouted back that it was nothing but a crowd of concerned citizens exercising their first amendment rights, which--of course--went right over her head (which, unlike Marie, she managed to keep).  No worry, the mayor shortly left on a junket to Switzerland to caress the Art Basil crowd.  Meanwhile, the new symphony hall has attracted great praise while every time it rains the entire west end is under two feet of water.

I know I've said for five years, but this time I mean it:  NO more Fourth of July parties.  As if the idiotic fireworks were not enough, nor the blistering heat, there seems to be no end to the demand for exotic food.  It's not as if I can just go to Epicure and buy possum, rat, or dead birds.....I have to catch them myself.  My friends have gone beyond the pale in their expectations.  So, I am putting my satin slipped foot down once and for all.

I was was walking along the beach searching for special sea shells or the undergarments of Mrs. Stuyvesant
-Fish (both have a market here).  And,this is what I found.  I tried to scoot the octopus away, but he had more arms than me.