The bible-thumpers are coming. Members of the forward-thinking Bonkersboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas are targeting several locations in Florida this weekend to protest that America has gone too pro-gay for its own good. Yes, these are the same fanatics who picketed the funeral of a Marine killed in Iraq because they felt that America's pro-gay stance was the reason for the deaths of soldiers there. And you thought it was Islam all the time, didn't you? Someone didn't tell me that America has gone pro-gay; I thought it was only New England. (The family of that soldier was awarded five million dollars by a court. The church is appealing; they probably couldn't come up with five hundred dollars between them, anyway.) But, that's not going to stop them. They plan to start at Key West High School and work their way up to Calvary Chapel in Fort Lauderdale; St. Thomas Episcopal, University Baptist and Church of the Little Flower in Coral Gables; Temple Israel in Miami; the University of Miami Law School graduation, and the consulates of Japan, Israel, Argentina, Brazil and Chile. Quite a schedule for a bunch of hicks, but why-oh-why don't they come to South Beach? If, as they proclaim, America has fallen to ''sodomy, adultery, incest, idolatry'' and other sins, they are bypassing the self-proclaimed capital of All Of The Above. Such a pity to miss them; we could have thrown them a party they would never forget, or survive to go back to the hills.